Nara, SHIKAMARU(FINISHED)

[Neme ♫]

SHIKAMARU NARA
{Like a dance, we spin round and round}

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Thunder in the distance

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{We counted how far away}[/font][/center][/color]
full name Shikamaru Nara
nicknames Shika, Lazy, Bum, Smart
age 09/22, 17
gender male
sexuality Heterosexual
occupation High School Junior

I realized what I wanted to say

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{come what may, I’ll be there for you}[/font][/center][/color]
Physical Appearance

Shikamaru is 170 cm. in height, as for weight he is 53.4 kg. When it comes to the physical appearance of Shikamaru, he is pretty basic. He has a slender body structure with slight muscle. He has a very defined jaw line that makes him look older than he really is. Shikamaru also has a piercing in his left ear that is normally occupied by a small spiked gauge. His eyes are a dark black color which normally tend to show Shikamaru's feelings more than he says himself. His hair is a dark brown color and is normally pulled back in a tie.

Personality

Positive Personality: Positives. Positives? Well, Shikamaru is rather to his own business. He doesn't really bother people and in the same sense would like the same thing back. He really doesn't get into many "groups" and would really rather the lonely style. He isn't the type of person to really go around and say things about others and would rather just kickback and do nothing all day. Though, at the same time, Shikamaru wouldn't dare lie to you. He would rather state a horrible truth than a kind lie. The only exception to his quietness is when he acts, the boy seems to come alive when he does such things. He will become an entirely different person.

Negitive Personality: Shikamaru isn't the type to really talk to people, so in a sense he is very reserved. He doesn't really enjoy meeting people and would rather be left alone. Though because of this personality of his, women tend to think he is the strong silent type, and is just acting cool. Shikamaru is the type to just walk away from people as well. Though he wont ever say anything mean to people if you upset him he would probably walk away more than actually start fighting. However, if someone were to every rat on his friends, he would probably get really annoyed and would probably start something then.

Strengths

Intelligence;; Shikamaru is extremely intelligent, even though he hides this most of the time, it is really a strength of his.

Loyal;; Though Shikamaru may sometimes come across as blunt and rude, he is extremely loyal and would never abandon anyone once he has become close to you.

Honest;; Shikamaru is the type that will tell you exactly what needs to be said. He will not hold back anything and will say the truth every time, no matter how much it hurts.

Flaws

Silent:: Though Shikamaru is loyal and honest, he really isn't the talkative type. He really hates talking to people he doesn't know.

Slacker:: Though Shikamaru is extremely smart, he often hides it behind a slacker personality. He hates being judges so he wont show off at all and sleeps most of the time now a days.

Claustrophobic:: Shikamaru hates being surrounded by others. Unless they are people he knows and is calm around others tend to freak Shikamaru out. He hates being targeted.

Drink? no
Smoke? yes, but only on occasion
Drive? permit~
Drugs? no
Partying? no, whats the point
Family Nara Shikaku, Father
Nara Yoshino, Mother
Residence Nara Residence
History

Shikamaru was born to his mother on September twenty second. He had a lot of the same features as his father and only a few from his mother. Even from a young age his parents knew that the boy was smart. Unlike normal children who wanted to be outside constantly and running around, Shikamaru wanted to stay inside more and do puzzles and things of that sort.

He was extremely bright at a younger age and did things much faster than normal. He learned his alphabet and could read and speak quite well before his parents even thought about pre-school. It was during his school days, that Shikamaru started changing however. Because of his ability to think and learn faster than others he was instantly labeled as an outcast in his younger days.

The only person who really stopped Shika from caving in on himself was his childhood friend Choji. He was the only one who really treated Shikamaru normally. Even thought Shikamaru had Choji, the constant weight of others giving him weird looks because of his intelligence set the Nara off. Soon enough, he stopped showing any signs of it whatsoever. He began to "slack off". Shikamaru wouldn't do anything anymore.

Soon enough the boy would be caught sleeping during his classes and called a failure or lazy because he never did his work. Though Shikamaru enjoys the thought of being pushed to think about certain things, he has a very good memory. And is constantly reminded of his younger days. Because of such, the boy has sworn to himself that he will never show anyone his genius in such an open manor again.

When he reached high school however, his slacking off became seen as "cool". Because of it, Shikamaru became flooded with girls, much like Sasuke Uchiha. Shikamaru hated the feeling really, but still he refuses to go back to the way he was as a young kid. He still is constantly hanging out with Choji, however, who happens to be the only one, as of now, who knows Shika's true intelligence.

No big surprise

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What makes your character (or interpretation of the character) unique, original, and worth having on the site? Its Shikamaru dur~ He is god! Shikamaru is the type of character who is just a fun person to have around. He is very loyal, and honest, but at the same time he can be completely crude and mean. It is just something that is a huge comical relief and not only that, Shikamaru is awesomesauce.

Role Play Sample

[lol.. It said it had to be about the person I am trying out for, this is a Shikamaru post I made on another High School Naruto site I had a long time ago <3]

Shikamaru had probably been just as bored as Ino. However, unlike the petite blonde, the blackette didn't really mind boredom. He would normally use the time to catch up on some sleep, which was exactly what he was doing at that time. Nestled in one of the comfortable chairs in the library, Shikamaru had fallen asleep during school yet again. It wasn't anything new, of course, but apparently teachers were idiotic, cause they just didn't get it.

Shikamaru, had probably gotten about, he guessed two periods worth of sleep before he felt someone hardly shaking his shoulder. Shikamaru just figured he would ignore it, hoping the person would go find their own chair to crash in. The shaking didn't stop though and with an agonizing groan and a slight eye roll Shikamaru finally "woke" from his slumber. He opened his eyes to see the librarian.

"You need to leave!" she said in a very irritated tone. Shikamaru let out one of his huge sighs. He got up and simply flung his bookbag that had been laying on the ground and swung it over his shoulder. As the woman continued to rant at him his conscious tuned her out easily. He really didn't want to hear it and that is exactly what he did. Even though she kept yelling he kept walking until he was out of the library and on to better things, he guessed.

Shikamaru let out another yawn, trying to wake himself up for the most part. His hand covered his mouth slightly before he put it back to his side. He really didn't care where he was going, if he was stuck in school for the rest of the day, he would probably just skip the rest of his classes. It wasn't like they were going to get any better anyway. He slept during them after all. As he walked his legs seemed to take him toward the lower hangout. He could just barely hear the drizzle of rain.

"Aw, man.. this is such a drag." Shikamaru said. Sure, he loved rain, mostly because it helped him sleep. But how in the world was it supposed to help when he had been kicked out of his sleeping spot? He resisted the urge to let out another sigh. Instead he kept walking until he heard a very familiar scream. His eyebrows perked in just the slightest as he saw a boy who was probably a freshmen as well scamper out of a room.

Before he could run past, Shikamaru grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. The kid seemed to choke slightly as Shikamaru pulled him back, not letting him go at all. With the same tired, agitated face he had on moments ago, he looked at the boy. "Okay.. what exactly did you do, to the pretty blonde in there?" he asked. Shikamaru didn't need to look in the room to see Ino. He knew, oh he knew just from the scream.

The boys eyes shook slightly. "It was an accident I swear!" he said. Shikamaru sighed. "That isn't what I asked." he said flatly. The tone in his voice was getting more agitated by the moment. "I- I hit her in the head with my ball. I'm SORRY!" he cried trying to get out of Shikamaru's grip. Shikamaru held on tight. He let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his head with his other hand. "How Troublesome.." he silently said.

He released the boy who instantly scampered off. He glanced back toward the room as a slight smile crossed his face. He entered the door and leaned against it for a moment. His eyes instantly landing right on Ino. He smiled and chuckled to himself slightly. "You know Ino, you probably wouldn't get hit by kid's ball if you were paying attention." he said in a soft voice.

In a way, Shikamaru was really happy to see her. At least he wouldn't be to bored anymore, and Ino was definitely, the one who would be able to keep him awake.

Password Hufflepuff

But please believe

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[Annabel]

Pending.
This is just a message to let you know that we HAVE seen your application and are thinking it over. I sincerely apologise for not getting to it sooner. You have quite a few grammatical errors that need to be ironed out. I would recommend putting it through a spelling and grammar check on Word or the like if you haven't already. The idea of Shikamaru as an actor is very original and I would love to see it developed more in relation to his character.
Basically the things standing between you and approval are a few structural problems; check your word placement and punctuation to make sure your sentences are more fluent -- you often put words in an order that is difficult to follow and misuse commas.
Also avoid using the word "said" so much; it shows a lot throughout your roleplay sample.

A pointer I think you might find useful; use fewer words to convey greater meaning. Instead of saying someone was "very happy" you might say they were "ecstatic". You can also use this to avoid overusing the word "said". Here's an example I picked out of your post:

"You need to leave!" she said in a very irritated tone.

TRY INSTEAD:

"You need to leave!" she hissed, pointing in the direction of the door.

Try to show, rather than tell, the emotions of your characters; it's much more effective. Notice how in my example I didn't explicitly state that the librarian was angry, even though you could still tell? If you learn to convey the mood of a scene through a character's actions rather than bluntly stating them -- though of course, it's fine to do that as well from time to time. :3

We'll give you a week or so to rework your application a little, then review it again.